User blog:Epic~00/Apology/Defending From Myself

For most of you non KIK people, you may not know what I am referring to with this blog. However, all of you people who are on KIK know exactly what I am doing this blog about. A couple of months ago, I mentioned to one user here a rankings list I have of the other users. By now most of you probably know who I'm referring to. There's a few different involvements in probably my biggest mistake I've made on this wiki so at the beginning, I think I'll just summarize what exactly happened.

About three months ago, I sent Welly a ranking list of 20 users here from worst to best, which doesn't include recent members. He was also in the #1 spot, tied with a few others and also promised to me that I wouldn't tell anyone. But about one or two weeks ago Welly went on KIK and revealed some of my positions to users. Since then, some users' feelings on me have dropped. I am currently in the process of regaining others' trust. There's many ways around this issue and I think before I get judged by people, I should explain myself while also apologizing. I'll start with the most important topic here.

The List
This list was me pretty much preferring other users over others. Looking back, this is a bad thing to do. It is considering the other users as mere characters. I apologize for this list and no longer have any list of any kind that ranks other users as I have become closer with everyone as of late, especially those who were once low. However, Overall, I am apologetic about this list. But like I've said, it was made way before I warmed up to others and people should've known about it since I mentioned it.
 * 1) This list was made a long time ago. Meaning it is essentialy completely invalid at this stage. There is no reason to bring up something that does not even hold any weight.
 * 2) I have grown closer to other users anyways. Any possible list is completely void considering I have much less bad feelings about users.
 * 3) I said multiple times in chat that I made a list. People either a) didn't care what I had to say or b) ignored me like most times. Bringing up an issue like this is surprising considering I had said about the list many times. My first feeling hearing that the list was revealed was overall confusion.

Welly
The person who leaked this list to others was Welly. Now I'm going to be completely honest and say that I have lost some respect for Welly. Now I know I regularly am against people talking behind others backs and then someone finding out that they did this, but seeing as how TDA Leshawna thought me that this is natural for people, I just feel betrayed by Welly. I'm not saying that me making a list was a good thing. But I held Welly on a pedestol for these rankings and along with this, and I have been nothing but kind with him. While I will admit that him revealing this list to people benefits to me learning from mistakes, it was such a random thing for him to do. The morally right hting to do but what was Welly's motivation for even making a bunch of users mad at me? I still really like Welly but this was just shocking. I thought we were very close with each other and I think since I have done nothing wrong to him in particular, I do hope for an explanation.

Derpy
After finding out about this list, Derpy was especially angry, deleting me from his friends list and everything. He pointed out that he's blocked my PMs and would rather I message him on another wiki. He accused me of always telling him to "shut up" which I don't ever say, but none of this is really the point and is kind of a random thing to say. But in any case, I have apologized to him and explained the context that this list no longer is valid. I don't know whether he ignored this PM or blocking me meant he couldn't receive my message. All I have left to say is that I'm trying my best with forgiveness with everyone, as suggested by Derpy.

This is all I need to say. I apologize deeply for the worst actions I have done, but I think it's fair to say that those who have seen this list are somewhat in the wrong too since, if I was actually listened to, you would've known that a list already existed and there was no curiosity involved with it. I apologize for a harsh list but there are catches to this and I don't think all blame should just firmly be on one person. Please try not to look at this mistake as mine as it is a low point. Try to remember the nice things I have done here cause I don't feel like discussing this issue again. If you have anything to say, I'm open to it. I may do one of those "What Do You Think of Me?" blogs and would want completely honest answers. I want to be completely honest with others from now on and I hope others are the same. Bye and if you forgive me, I hope I can move past this.