User blog:Russelrules44/Writer's Critique?

I am here to ask for critique on a pet project of mine i've been working on for a few days now. It is written like it if were a play, it includes characters from Ruby Gloom; MLP:FiM, Pinky and the Brain, Sesame Street (don't ask me why.) Grojband and Minions and I have actually posted the 1st chapter onto Fanfiction.net. (No; you don't have to know all of the characters to read this story.)

So; why here? Well, I figured since i've been around for a few months now and i've gotten to know some great people; I believe that there might be some fair unbiased critics that are legit willing to see what people have to offer. Basically; all i'm asking for is if i'm not derailing any of the characters, if the storytelling is involving, whether there are some inconsistencies I need to work on and so on and so far.

Now to get something out of the way; updates may come without warning at times as I am sort of a slacker when I comes to projects, nontheless I hope that maybe what some people will say could be good feedback for me and my fanfic/play/crossover project.

Here is the link to my story. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11418989/1/The-Wonderful-Wizard-of-Narf